So there i was, sitting there in the house a mere 3 days form my Perth departure and still only half way through my expedition of the scientific park, i decided it had to be today. With the sun shining and lady luck on my side i knew it was going to just one of those days, you know the ones, yes those ones.
This time i opted for travel by foot and left the rusty bike behind, it was only a short walk maybe 8 minutes 47 seconds. As usual i started to walk at a brisk pace before shifting gear and moving at a speed i could only describe as gruelling. I arrived at my destination and let myself in through the gate, with my expectations high after my previous visit i prepared myself for nothing less than a roo fest. Imagine my disappointment when i turned round and saw nothing. The heat was unbearable so i decided to strip off 2 layers and walk round topless, exposing my pasty white skin.
Once i was over the brow of the hill i took a detour off road and landed up at a prime spot for sunbathing so i laid down my bag and stretched out on the sand, i listened to Lemar as is the norm for such a situation but after around 30 minutes i was surrounded by flies, i would assume they thought i was dead, i wasn't.
After a small battle with the flies i stood up and wandered some more, stumbling somewhat fortuitously upon a place that had clearly been used before, it had golf balls piled up and 2 pallets, i snatched at the opportunity like a monkey would snatch at a nana. I had a sleep. 20 minutes later i composed myself and left for the far end of the park that was, as far as my eyes could tell, at least 300 miles away. Luckily it wasn't that far but it still took about an hour to get there, it wasn't so much for the scenery as for the accomplishment of making my way from one end to the other.
After reaching the fence i swung a cheeky left and head towards the beach, i went off road because im a maverick and don't play by anyone's rules, paths are for conformists. I got myself into some tight situations where i entered dead ends after a long voyage through the bush, i thought that if i was to stumble across a kangaroo in these dead ends it would surely come to blows.
That's when i imagined what would happen if a kangaroo did attack, then pictured myself having an interview after a headline of "Lad creams roo in savage assault". I thought if it come to a fight i think it would be pretty even so there is a possibility he might win so i need the advantage, there were no sticks of sufficient magnitude to deal with an angry kangaroo so that was out of the window. The good thing is i have seen kangaroos fight before so i cant be accused of not researching the opponent, i know his style, whereas he has never seen me fight before, not because i've never had a fight before but because he's lazy. I decided my best bet would be to out manoeuvre him, when he tries a kick i would grab his leg, then he only has one leg to fight with and his tail for balance, if i could get his other leg in my hand i would be able to deliver a sweeping kick to his tail and knock him onto the floor, that's when i would do my best impression of Troy Deeney and kick and punch him while he's on the floor. As i am a merciful guy (and not a coward) i decided i wouldn't beat him senseless while he's on the floor, instead i would deliver one punch to the ribs, hopefully winding him, then throw sand in his eyes. Sand in the eyes was my best hope in any case because once i do that its game over, his hands cant reach his eyes to rub them so he would have to run off before i killed him. I picked up a handful of sand and carried it for about 30 seconds before i decided i was being ridiculous and returned to my normal life.
During my walk im always on the hunt for a decent picture of a kangaroo, now the hard thing about photographing them is they are very VERY rarely alone so there is always at least one pair of eyes on the look out, by the time you've seen them you have 3 of them watching you. I stumbled upon 2 of them eating, i got down on my knees behind a bush, ditched my bag and flip flops and got into a prone position, one of them was happily eating whereas the other one was a nervous wreck, he was so aware it was bordering on paranoia. He would not stop looking round, obviously the only time i can make progress towards him is when he's not looking, so there i am laying on my stomach behind a bush while he looks around constantly, i must have been laying for about 10 minutes with camera in hand, eventually he looked away and i got about 2 metres in, for whatever reason he decided to jump off with his pal following him, so i wasted my time and my camera battery, which by now was flashing low.
I carried on my walk and could hear the sea, i had a small hill to climb which is always annoying but as i got to the brow i was greeted with a fantastic site, the site of the beautiful blue sea cast between either side of the sand hill i was climbing. Once at the top i found the highest point around and watched the see and time pass by, it was refreshing to just sit there.
I had about an hour before it started to get dark so i made haste, on the way back i think the heat of the day got to me as i started laughing uncontrollably, as no one was around i thought how easy it would be to have a wank while walking along the path, i don't know what sort of person thinks like this but i quickly dismissed the thought before i started reaching for my penis.
Then i thought about how much i wanted to go to Harvester and imagined myself walking in to the one in Bushey, seeing that man with the round head and saying "Ciao bambino, posso avere un tavolo per due, per favore" i don't know who my friend was but as Alex is probably the most loyal reader of this blog i shall say he was with me. Next on my list of thoughts was the unnerving sight of footprints, these prints were actually real i could see them as i walked and looked dog-like in appearance, the weird thing was they were huge, the size of my hand which scared me a bit and coupled with the fact i had discovered 2 kangaroo skeletons on my travels i was more than a little scared that a large dog was on the prowl. I assumed this dog would be covered in jet black fur, have claws that could slice open a watermelon like a machete through a babies flesh and burning red eyes that could give Magmar himself third degree burns. A very real threat indeed.
The hell hounds eyes unfortunately were not the hottest thing in that park, that title was won by the suns rays, even though i had sunglasses on i could still feel my retinas burning quicker than a hamster in a microwave, it was desperate times, i was so scared for my survival i nearly started drinking my own urine.
Some time later i found my way out and got back to the house, another day complete and rounded off a great exploration of one of the features of Secret Harbour.
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