Here is a blog for the most loyal fans of me, it will comprise of an overall update of the 2nd leg of our tour or "The Australian Adventure". To start was Melbourne or London as I decided to call it, if you took someone from London or surrounding areas and transported them there they wouldn't have any idea they had even left the city let alone the country. There wasn't much to do here and it was the first taste of going out in something other than shorts and flip flops, jeans and vans were the order of the day which also added to the "night out in Watford" feel to the place, we also were required to have ID.
The nightlife was too much like home for me so I decided to fill my nights with wild walks into places I hadn't been before, I frequented the park on one occasion and ended up feeding possums with a Japanese family who I think spoke no English. During the day it was a case of sleep and subway plus more walking. Christmas eve we went out with a couple of guys from back home, needless to say I didn't take my ID but still got in because I think people must recognise me off TV, I made friends with a drug addict at the train station who kept telling he had to change his name when he went to his mums because the police were after him, he was clearly on some sort of drug so I humoured his imaginary criminal notoriety and left him when the train came.
The week in Melbourne came and went which I was quite glad about because to say it was repetitive would be an understatement, we also didn't have our own toilet/bathroom so that annoyed me a tad, we had to catch a bus so as Jon was on his final check he realised the bus was booked for the day after we checked out so we went back to the hoStel and luckily they had another room, not a private one, we had to share, with 3 people from China. They spoke minimal English and turned the lights on while I was sleeping one night and woke me up, a couple of hours later one of them asked "did the lights wake you up?" to which I replied in true polite English fashion with "no of course they didn't" while my bloodshot eyes and constant squinting at the bright lights told a different story. We finally got that god dam bus and head off on a 12 hour bus journey, yes, 12 hours....on a bus. Nothing quite prepared me for the journey as the seating was a bit hit and miss or a total shambles to be blunt, Me and Jon sat together Max sat down the front somewhere with a Chinese Sean Kingston.
Half way through the journey at around 1am when everyone is trying to catch some z's the man behind us started shouting in his sleep, it was funny but the laughter was more out of genuine disbelief at "could this be any worse?!" rather than deriving any humour from the situation. About 11 hours in the sleep screamer departed and we all breathed a sigh of relief until a Chinese woman with a screaming baby got on and sat on his seat directly behind us, it was like a scene from a low budget comedy. None of us slept a wink and we arrived in the world famous Sydney with our eyes nearly shut and again at a ridiculous time when check out is not even spoken of. We had to sit outside the hoStel for a few hours before we could get in and drop out bags off, during which time we met some Swedish girls and a girl from Birmingham who we referred to as "Northerner" as that was what she was, she also kept calling me Jeff as i apparently looked like Jeff Brazier, WHO?! i hear you cry! EXACTLY! They spoke of a free Walking Tour provided by PeekTours, as we couldn't check in for a few hours we were encouraged to go, not only by the girls but by the receptionist who looked like an old DJ Luck.
The tour guide Jesse (a boy) arrived and we sat off on a long walk of about an hour, hot and sweaty we thought what a good tour it was and we were ready to head back, just then we arrived at the tour meeting point, the walk so far turned out to be none of the actual tour just a gruelling walk in searing heat to the meet. We set off and learned some interesting stuff about Sydney and places to go things to see and all the stuff you would expect to hear and see. Max had somehow cloned himself during the tour and was now walking round with an exact double of himself (I have picture evidence) I must say that on this tour was an Andy Carroll look a like who I didn't like because he looked like an idiot and didn't move his neck just his eyes to look at you while talking. We finished up looking over one of the worlds most famous buildings the Sydney Opera House.
It was then that things became a tad unsavoury, as it's a free tour naturally that means Jesse doesn't get paid so he works for tips, by now there were about 20 people on the tour, I think Me, Jon and Max gave him $10 each but there were 20's flying about! The kid must have been laughing his way to the bank after that tour and he could do 2 a day, it was calculated that he was making an absolute packet from that job, Max's German double somewhat embarrassingly reached out his hand to Jesse loaded with coins and not only dropped them in Jesse's hand but also over the floor, the clumsy crout had obviously not anticipated Jesse's small hands not being able to carry as much. The next day it was new year and the 3 guys plus northern girl set out for the main park to queue for 3 hours to get in for the celebrations at 12 o clock.
Within an hour careful Max had lost his camera and he became very annoyed. In the park Jon "Hardman" Hubbard found out the hard way that not only can he never beat me but also The Sun is also too tough for him as he succumbed to heat stroke and ended up in bed around 10pm. We watched the celebrations go off without a hitch, I would guess, and we all went off home. After new year the next week consisted of making friends with our roommates, cockroaches, I think we killed 7 in the end, the biggest was the size of a cat and it took Me and Jon combined to give it a reminder of who ruled that room. After I sprayed it with insect repellant and hit it with a flip flop about 3 times Jon put his whole weight on it and stamped it only to lift his foot and it run off so he grabbed a shoe and unleashed 23 years of anger hitting it so hard it was thrown through the air. We visited Bondi Beach (as seen on TV) and an aquarium, wildlife place and The Sydney Eye, or Sydney Eyeee Eyeee, which is basically just a tower where you can observe Sydney. We then checked out on our final day and head for the greyhound bus for another 12 hour journey this time to Byron Bay. That is all for now, I hope this quenches your thirst for news of how the guys survive in the wilderness.
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