Thailand....Again

Highlights of our last night in Laos included Jon being charged £4 to use an ATM whereas me and Max walked 10 seconds down the street and got our money for free, Jon and Max ordering something other than burger and chips and leaving half of it and finally a ladyboy desperately trying to chat any of us up in one of the seediest bars iv ever been to, everyone literally EVERYONE was eyeing us up, iv never felt so sexy! The following morning we were awoken by a dog at about 4am which seems to be a common occurrence in this hell hole, we went for a lovely breakfast made by a frog which was ok and headed out for a 3 hour time waste til our train left, the heat was too intense so Me, Jon and Max went to the hotel for team chill out session and during alone time with Me and Max some local tramp kids come in and were begging, one of them approached me and pointed to his mouth, i offered him some condiments that were on the table which he refused, after his refusal I could only assume he was offering blowjobs so I unleashed my penis and he ran off, no one warned me the local kids would be such a tease.

The bus was due at around 3pm, around 3.45 a tuk tuk crowded with people arrived, Me and Jack were hanging off the back with loads of crouts. We took a 15 minute train to the main station and set off in our 1st class carriage like royalty, I had my 5th shit of the day. We were met by a staff woman who asked what we wanted for dinner and breakfast and asked for the drinks order, everything arrived and we were told the drinks came with the meal, we were being treated lavishly. After the meal and during the drinks the lady came round with the bill, we were shocked and claimed it was included with the train ticket, she disagreed and we were in the wrong there was no mention of a free meal on the ticket.

We had to pay whatever she quoted, it turned out we paid about £10 each for the 2 meals and some drinks, which was a bitter pill to swallow but a pill we had to swallow none the less. This woman became known as Robin as that's exactly what she was doing to us, the beer came to apparently 80 each so Max and Jack ordered 2 more only to be told when the bill came they were 130 each, we were left in disbelief at how the pricing scheme was actually organised and wether the lady was just making up the prices depending on how she felt.

During paying Jon made the outrageous claim that the lady had infact stole his wallet, panic ensued and he nearly became tearful. I couldn't believe the whole situation, I was surprised Jon's wallet had even left his sight as it's usually nailed to his hand.

We talked for a few hours about how Chelsea bought the league and how Leeds are such a good team, we all agreed on these points and there was no room for debate. We decided to head through cattle class and brush shoulders with the peasants to get to the carriage at the front where they served drink, we set off and after walking through the shit carriages with our noses firmly in the air we arrived at front carriage and ordered the drinks, everyone was happy until Me and Jon noticed the locals that work on the train sniffing cocaine, as westerners we were naturally stared at but i didn't appreciate the looks and in a country that takes such a hard line on drugs I felt it was a little too close to death for my liking especially with no locks on our room doors so I head back incase they planted us, so I left the others to have fun, I'm such a team player. We were awoken the next morning at 6.45 by Robin banging on the door, we all had a decent sleep but she had reason to wake us up, she was delivering our expensive breakfast, I would simply describe the breakfast as awful, it was an attempt at a fry up that was so bad I ended up putting my egg in some toast and having a sandwich.

Everything was going so well but in typical Asian transport fashion we were about to be stung, the train stopped and a man in broken English told us to get off, naturally we ignored him because he wasn't English enough to trust. Robin then came round and told us there was an accident on the track ahead so we had to move trains and get to Bangkok on a different train, the worst part of this news was that we were going to have to lower ourselves and sit with the normal folk, we gathered our thoughts and belongings in laid back fashion until the woman panicked and we saw the train approaching, we were now in a rush and there was no way we were going to be hanging around like Gary Speed, we jumped off and ran to the next train. I felt dirty as soon as I sat down with them so I tried for some sleep, but first I took in the sights of Bangkok outskirts that we're largely covered in water, it was interesting to see. Once again Jack "knew" a place and we set off in the scorching heat to find the hotel, at a very cost effective £9 each for a "family room" we were all happy, except Jon who faced the prospect of sharing a bed with someone for the first time this holiday.

We entered the room and to be honest it was nice, air conditioning and most importantly it was clean and had its own toilet! After inspection we went to the roof and indulged in some sun bathing, i got bored after about an hour and returned to the room and watched a fascinating documentary about hostages who were held for 10 years. When the guys got back we head out for team eats at the place downstairs, ordered our food and admired the koi pond next to us, the food arrived and unlike typical English waiters the local ones decided to stand at the bar, watch us and laugh, one of them was noticeably gay, we assumed there was a mutual attraction between him and Jon but once again this was not confirmed. After lunch we left for the room and a healthy sleep, Me and Max chilled out to Buble while I played with his nipples. After Jack's sleep he awoke and proceeded to do a specific walk that was in bad taste. I shall cut this blog short at exactly 18.51 at time of writing, as its also Jon's birthday, so tune in for the next episode which will be a Jon birthday special!!! Byeeeee xxx