A boat was our transportation of choice so we booked our tickets had some eats and made our way to the water. The heat was intense and the sun was in an unforgiving mood, we needed a break so we decided to sit inside on the boat, a wise choice as the air conditioning was flowing and it felt like sitting in a fridge. The journey was of no real importance, I had what appeared to be a Pakistani couple behind me who kept coughing loudly and talking non stop so I decided to put my head phones in. It was then that the people infront started to annoy me, the woman had her hair tied up and kept leaning back so it hit me in the face, the man next to her was clearly falling asleep as his head kept falling back then going back to its normal position before falling back again, this went on for about 5 minutes. Max's elbows also annoyed me, he has the hairiest arms ever and it kept rubbing against me and it felt like someone stroking a feather down my arm. Off the boat we needed a place to stay so we went for a walk, I saw a place which looked good and said lets go check it out, Jon said no and carried on walking, I got annoyed and asked Jon why we didn't stop and he replied "it looked nice so it's common sense it will be expensive".
Jon's assumptions annoyed me as did his "common sense" because he made it clear he was heading for the beach which in my mind is prime location so it's going to demand higher prices, I was proved right when we went in and checked the prices of a hotel and were quoted about 3 times more than we had payed anywhere else (4500 baht) I was understandably smug. We walked past people quoting us 200 baht for a night and I was surprised Jon didn't accept the offer as it would have been a shit hole and I think that's what he was after. We went to tourist information and let them take over as we had decided enough was enough, she spoke on the phone for about 20 minutes before finding us a place for 5000 for 3 nights, we shook her hand and a tuk tuk took us away. Apart from an obvious mincer on the payroll of the hotel who took a shine to Jon, the hotel looked good and even had a minibar, the shower was nice and the bed clean, I was satisfied.
We had a wee rest then head out, as we walked out the door Thailand's campest man approached us and took our key as apparently it's the rules to leave your key at the front desk, I think he just wanted to go and sniff our sheets and wank over Jon's pillow. We then went for something to satisfy our hunger, we went for pizza and we all had a square one to remind us of South Oxhey's finest dining establishment, Spicy Tomato Pizza. It was lovely and the waitress fancied me, it was agreed she was of a questionable age, but we ignored her braces and decided she was at least 16. We then head out into the streets, I was aware Phuket had a reputation as "seedy" but the level of seediness surprised even Jon. Old western men walking round with young Thai girls it was horrible to watch. We made base in a bar and were quickly engaged in conversation with Kat and Nok (our two waitresses) I'm not going to jump to conclusions but I'm pretty sure they both fancied me.
They seemed really happy and barely understood us just as we barely understood them, what followed was alot of nodding, awkward smiles, laughs and people saying "yes" as we all pretended to understand each other. An American man that looked like an old AC Slater approached us and started talking about rugby and how he plays it back home, none of us cared as we don't like the sport but he still kept talking while puffing on a cigar. As England were losing to Ireland at rugby on the TV everytime he walked past he would shout the score in an annoying American accent. We moved on to another bar and as Jon went to the toilet Me and Max were set upon by 2 Thai women, they were very friendly and I could tell that if they wasn't prostitutes then they would definitely have slept with me for free. They stayed and chatted for a while during which one of them touched me in a seductive way repeatedly before the defining moment came, one of them asked Max for a drink and he said we have no money so they should get us a drink, they left rather quickly before Jon chased them shouting "I have money I will get you a drink!".
We went for a walk round the bars and enjoyed being touched and complimented, a favourite of the locals is to pinch your nipple, it's an unusual way to make someone want to sleep with you but if it works for them it might work for me aswell. After that we sat outside and sipped drinks and took part in my favourite past time of buying cheap rubbish, Max bought a nail file set with clippers and everything, it was an absolute bargain for 150, Jon got ripped off for a hat for 120 and I picked up a head massager and also a vibrating massager for a healthy 200 baht. We eventually called it a night and braved the street women and got a tuk tuk back to the hotel.
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