On our penultimate day i had lots of rest and stayed in the room making sure the cleaners didn't nick our stuff as i know thats what they do in foreign countries. When the guys returned i was given the exciting news that up by the pool an American couple had treated everyone to a live sex show by indulging in fanny licking in front of the hotels guests. That night we chose to go out and purchase team boxers, genuine products of course, I made purchase of the hour when I picked up some very tasteful bright yellow boxers. I was hot favourite for purchase of the trip until later that evening one of the persistent wandering sellers turns up with one of the most outrageously hideous hats iv seen, despite it's horrible look we all fell in love with it and decided that it could only ever suit someone like Jack, so he purchased it for a very reasonable 100 baht, it wouldn't matter how much he paid it was still a wonderful purchase.
The rest of the night wasn't of great interest we had some eats and served by another gay waiter who was alright, he offered the drink and as i went to hold it he moved it away and made strange noises, we all liked him but with Jon we all got the feeling it was something a little bit more than that. We then proceeded to have drinks and returned back to the room for team Justin Nozuka session as we had an early start, not that we had any chance of sleeping, as we checked in we were warned the room became "a nightclub" as the sun went down, we laughed and thought "how bad can it be?!" we found out the hard way as we lay there with the bed shaking and constant noise coming from a few metres away, I finally fell asleep and became so used to the loud music that my body went into shock and woke me up as it was stopping...at half 5 in the morning.
We woke up about an hour later and went out for McDonald's breakfast then back to hotel reception and and waited to be picked up for our day out at the floating markets, river something and tiger temple. We were picked up and treated to a bus with people from Switzerland, Argentina, Spain, Scotland, Germany, The North, and briefly a lady of what appeared to be Brazilian decent who we privately name Busty Slut #4. We kept ourselves to ourselves on the back row during the hour and a half trip before getting off at the floating markets, we were placed on a boat to travel there and Lucky Hubbard was sat next to an American lady who he obviously found attractive, she was around 50 and seemed motherly, he engaged in some of the most awkward small talk iv ever witnessed while Me and Max watched on from behind. We took a boat around the place and i waved at passing boats and even high 5'd someone on 1 occasion, we admired the products which mostly seemed to be hats, as we are a group of cultured lads and seeing as Jack already had a hat we all decided to get one, Jon showed his lack of haggling experience and acquired a hat for 200, I took control for mine and Max's purchase and stole the hats for a small fee of 150 each, I may have reminded Jon he payed over the odds on more than one occasion.
We then rushed back to the bus, the Spanish had disguised themselves as Germans by placing their property on the seating but with true English grit the Northern girls moved their belongings and after some rearranged seating we found ourselves sat next to the 2 girls from the north of England, near Manchester and Leeds to be precise, neither of them liked football. Our next stop after 40 mins of driving was lunch, or as the local woman called it, Ranch/Wunch, it was rice with various bits of shit to help yourself, i had none of it and instead decided to put some on Leeds girls plate and offer the rest around, sadly Jon didn't acknowledge my offer as he was too busy saving his ear from being chewed off by the Scottish man who had latched on to Jon and was boring him with his life story, Me and Jack were laughing as the man still hadn't had time to eat anything even though we had been sat down for 15 minutes. When Jack finished me and him went for a walk to a supermarket nearby, it sold products that you would think there was no demand for such as fish sausages, sun dried crabs, sun dried prawns and other such things that make me feel sick. After everyone had finished and the Scottish man had devoured not only Jon's ear but his whole head we regrouped on the bus and onto our next stop.
Next up we came to a bridge, god knows why we stopped here or what this place had to offer but we made the best of it even finding a leopard and letting Jon have a picture with it. It was during a walk over the bridge that an Asian man obviously recognised me and asked if i was Grant Topp before requesting a picture, never one to upset a fan i said yes and he told me to sit next to him and he put his arm around me, i found the whole episode a bit embarrassing as i was just on a quiet day out but when you achieve international celebtriy status you need to expect this sort of thing. Also at the bridge was a small child of probably 2 years sitting next to a motorbike with a screwdriver and pliers pulling bits off, wether or not he knew what he was doing remains to be seen but he looked quite professional. After a ridiculously long wait at the bridge we got on the bloody bus AGAIN and onto the much anticipated Tiger Temple, we had spent probably 5 hours on the bus already so when we finally arrived at our final destination we were all relieved and somewhat sick of the whole day so it kind of took the shine off it. The temple was about to close as we arrived so we had enough time for some quick pictures and watch the other animals including, water buffalo, a horse, boar, peacock, ants, and deer.
It was better than the previous tiger experience as these ones didn't appear drugged, we finished up and got back on the small bus, we were told 3 hours to get back so we all tried some sleep but it wasn't happening, Me and Max took to annoying the 2 northerners as there was no other source of entertainment. We were overly cheesy just to make them feel good about themselves but they didn't seem impressed, as soon as the doors opened nearly 4 hours later they practically ran off. We went for dinner and drinks before I decided enough was enough an returned back to listen to Nsync and have 5 minute lay, I then fell asleep. On our final day we awoke and automatically had to be on our feet as we had to be out by 12, our train was at 6 so we had hours to kill. I found it appropriate to make Max aware that during the night he was sleep talking (which he has done about 5 times now) and mentioned Jack's name on more than one occasion, I can't remember what else was said but I remember thinking it was more than just a little weird he was dreaming about him, I walked over toJon and Jack's bed only to be told that during the morning they had both woke up and were laying together face to face practically touching noses, at this point they both made a noise and rolled over so their backs were facing, Jon described it as "awkward moment" whereas I was a bit upset I was the only one who hadn't had any sort of experience with Jack during the night.
We tucked into some tucker and spent the day lounging about, we all had our shopping experiences but the market sellers were not giving much much away as haggling was kept to a minimum. 6pm came and it was time for the the dreaded departure, we left for the end of our road and to the taxi's, Jack requested airport we chose train station, we looked into each others eyes and like a wife waving her husband off to war we shook hands and said goodbye, I'm sure I saw a single year roll down his face but we didn't draw attention to it as we are both men and at a time like this it was ok to show emotion. We separated and found out on our journey that it was the King's birthday tomorrow and they have street parties so we missed out in a great experience there. We boarded the train led by me as I'm a natural born leader, found out seats in cattle class waited for them to come round and put the beds down so we can lock ourselves away, until then we had to put up with the awful locals and their repulsive language. The beds were finally put out and Jon returned to find a young boy resembling Buddah sleeping in his, the bit apologised and moved off, but his grubby body had still been all per Jon's sheets, I locked myself away and went to sleep hoping to have a long sleep through to 7am when we "apparently" arrived at our destination. During the night I think we may have got lost and driven pad the au at some point because to say it was boiling hot in that train was an understatement, I woke up in puddles of sweat as did my fellow companions especially Max who had obviously beaten the heat by finding a swimming pool onboard the train, closer inspection revealed no such pool. And then we arrived!
No comments:
Post a Comment