Bangkok (JON'S BIRTHDAY SPECIAL!)

Jon's birthday celebrations started with a luxurious meal, macaroni cheese to be precise, I sex'd up the dish with chillies from Jack's plate as he couldn't cope with the intense heat they emitted. Once we finished we head out for team drinks at a nice bar with an acoustic guitarist who was really good, I was very impressed, but before we were allowed entry we were subjected to a rigorous security check of a quick pat of the pockets, I reached for some money as during the patting I became aroused and thought it was bad etiquette if I didn't at least offer some money for the treat. During our time there Max payed one of the bills and when the change come back the man held the plate out and Max grabbed his money but accidentally left 40 baht there, it was a real awkward moment when the man thought he was getting a tip but Max made sure there were no extras and scraped up all his change.

We finished there and moved on to the next one where we enjoyed a few birthday beverages and were also treated to the Asian soccer am, it featured a man in a Leeds shirt so I was happy and it also proved Leeds are still a big team across the globe, even if the kit was from about 97, sponsored by Packard Bell and had Lee Sharpe's name on the back.

We indulged ourselves here and I even purchased some cheap crap from looky looky men, not because I wanted the stuff but because I enjoy haggling, I regained some pride with my haggling this time round and also mastered the technique of "no thanks, il leave it at that price" before they decide any sale is better than no sale. As it was Jon's birthday we decided he should decide what to do, it really was no surprise when, after a 10 minute drive we ended up at a show of a questionable nature. The show was awkward to watch, the girls acted like robots and there was definitely nothing semi attractive about it, highlights included a girl writing very neatly with her genitals, a woman producing razor blades, and a live sex show, as well as UV lights which made my clothes look funky. We finally moved on to a very noisy place with barely any seating, we slowly worked our way outside as people left we would jump in their seats until finally we were outside. Max got talking to two Thai girls who Jon also started talking to, when one of them left for a toilet Max spoke to the one Jon had been talking to, during this Jon threw a rose at Max and claimed he was a "cock block" I will leave it up to the reader to judge what both these young men's intentions were. Eventually we started talking to some girls on the next table, I automatically thought Essex whereas Jack said Surrey, after a quick check it was revealed they were infact from Essex, proving once again that Grant Topp is ALWAYS right.

I obviously wasn't trying it on with any of them as that's not my style, I don't try, whereas Jon was in deep discussion. We ended up following them to a club where Jack left for the hotel and Me and Max followed Jon in, after 1 minute Max was talking to a pig and Jon was waiting for Max to buy drinks, the barman was clapping and whistling at Max to pay but he was in a world of his own, it was at this point that I had enough and I decided Jack had made the right decision so I went back to sleep. During the walk back I was approached by a person of indistinguishable gender, they grabbed my body and called me handsome but I fought back my closet homosexuality and I pushed there hand off and said no. Sadly for that slag its going to take more than that to get Grant Topp into bed. Max and Jon returned back at various stages during the night/early morning with varying levels of interest to their personal nights experiences, needless to say Jon's birthday was a success for everyone and everyone came home happy, Jon also proved he should never be left alone when drunk when he returned back with something to make sure he will always remember this birthday, pictures to follow.